Food for Fussy people
These thoughts are mainly addressed to fathers but make some general points around
conflict resolution and may have some relevance to student households. Many would agree that it’s
good for families to share a table, but with multiple wage earners, evening events and various other
inflexibilities and complexities, it’s hard to please everyone. I am sure readers who live in families have
other issues, and not only with teenagers. Vegetarianism, dislike of liver, fish, cucumbers (actually,
cucumbers REALLY are disgusting.....you get my point), curry…some folks are on medical diets,
cannot tolerate peppers or tomato skins, or are genuinely allergic to some foods. Then there is the
question of lateness and telephone interruptions…. Life isn't perfect, but it can be better.
I don’t say I’ve solved these problems, and hope this doesn’t come across too ‘preachy’. These are
some ideas to think about and improve on.
Compromise. My definition of compromise is ‘no-one gets it all, no-one gets nothing, everyone
gets enough’. Each family member can enjoy their favourite food, but not every day. No-one has to
eat food they hate, but might have to take second choice. Conflicts are resolved reasonably.
Communicate. I assumed everyone liked a twist of black pepper on fried chicken. Our
daughter Sarah doesn’t. OK, I don’t put any on her portion. I loathe cucumbers, some people hate
garlic. If you put either in a mixed salad, it still smells and tastes of them after they are removed, ask
and adjust. People can change their minds over time.
Separately seasoned portions. When making a spicy dish that one person doesn’t like,
remove a portion before adding the spices and cook separately. I boned out a chicken to make a
chicken curry, fried one breast in butter in a small saucepan, added a can of sweetcorn for a simple
one-pot dish. 5 minutes extra work, the other choices were, try to force Sarah to eat something
against her will, or deny the other 3 of us the curry we wanted. The separate portion approach gave a
win-win outcome. This approach really works and isn't too much trouble. Of course, if there were 2 or
3 people in the family with different 'I'm not having that!' issues, life could get a bit out of hand......
Freezer to microwave. Boring but it works. After due consultation, cook up a batch of whatever
someone prefers and freeze it in labelled and accessible batches. Handy for shift workers and
nightclubbers.
Tins etc. There is nothing wrong with beans on toast or sardines, sweetcorn etc. Pasta and pesto
have a long shelf life and can put something edible and sustaining together quickly late at night or as
an alternative to the main dish if one household member doesn’t like it.
Don’t answer the telephone while eating unless you are expecting an urgent call or
someone you expected is late or stuck at the station etc. Just say no. They can leave a message; this
especially includes mobiles! The less often you eat together the more this matters.
Try to plan ahead. If you make a plan you can change it, if you don’t make one, a default option
kicks in which is unlikely to be as advantageous as what any half reasonable plan. This is not an
argument for total control freakery, but it does pay to think ahead. This also applies to food shopping-
it is amazing how often Julia and I have both bought half a pound of root ginger or a whole chicken on
the same day!
Table truce No harsh words or ugly silences at the family table. Even if there is a significant
disagreement going on, as there will be in all homes at times, mealtimes are a truce. Its often a good
time to make peace, but don't push it. You COULD even begin the meal with a short prayer of thanks,
a radical suggestion I know and I don't insist on it, but the Bible does say we should receive food with
thanksgiving. If you are an atheist, then at least thank the cook.
If someone’s late, don’t wait. If the meal time is known in advance, the latecomer should not
expect others to let their food go cold. Start the meal at the correct time, reserve a portion for the
latecomer and/or make other allowances, they may have been unavoidably delayed and eaten
elsewhere. On the other hand, if you always wait for them, they may get used to this and depend on
it, so you are ALWAYS inconvenienced, and they ALWAYS get exactly what they want. If the person
in question 9and this applies to ME sitting at the computer when Julia serves a meal up, she lets me
know it is being served, then serves it, and if I want to carry on bashing the keyboard, I can eat mine
later, cold and alone. Which isn't good, and I have almost broken the habit of 'just 2 more emails'
Vegetarians. Read Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall’s ‘River Cottage Meat Book’ for some
thoughtful reflections on the ethics of eating meat. There are 2 kinds of vegetarian, those coming
from the 'animal rights' perspective, and those who believe that vegetarianism is healthier for them.
Of course there is some overlap and we probably all ought to be eating less meat for planetary
reasons. With a strict vegetarian in the house, you have to negotiate and compromise as best you
can. You don’t have to agree with them but as Saint Paul said, you should show respect and avoid
needless offence. It would be courteous to plan and share some vegetarian meals together.
Food refusal in younger children
If anyone wants to go hungry, let ‘em. As a family doctor, I was often asked by a worried mother
what to do about their (happy, healthy and growing) child who ‘won’t eat nuffing’. My answer (after
establishing that the child was well) was always the same. Don’t make a fuss, stop the crisps, biscuits,
sweets and sugary drinks, then when they find out what hunger feels like, which will NOT harm them,
they’ll eat at mealtimes. This treatment won’t hurt them, and never fails. I have seen this treatment
work on an adult patient in a mental hospital where I was working as a nurse during a student holiday.
Having said that, some children really don’t like some foods (fish, liver, eggs etc), so be reasonable. A
diet of baked beans, pizza, frozen peas, sweetcorn and chips will do them no real harm as long as
they brush their teeth and don’t get fat. Most likely they’ll grow out of it, but in any event you can’t
make someone eat against their will, so why make yourself miserable and wear yourself out trying?
NB of course I am not making light of the problem of anorexia or other serious health issues, but I
have seen an awful lot of worried mothers whose kids were perfectly well, just preferring crisps and
sweets to decent food. YOU are the adult in the situation, so take charge.
One last point, always have a pack of nice smoked bacon in the fridge. Bacon is quick, easy,
tasty, flexible and has been known to cure vegetarianism.
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